Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Back n' Sync with the Pretty Bucks

Well, maybe it's us. Maybe we had to show up for a Bucks game to get them to win. A combination of illness, cancelled games, sitter unavailability, etc., kept us away-- and apparently them winless -- for much too long. Although, much as we wanted that victory, we entered the Bradley Center with much trepidation last night, wondering if we were going to watch another loss. It was all over Ruben Patterson's face when he wiped out against the basketpost after a near missed shot, just him banging his head against the post in emotional, not physical, agony, with a look on his face that seemed to scream "Can't we get a freaking break?"

And early in the game, while I still wasn't sure if they were going to pull this off, all the promo things I would normally gloss over were annoying the crap out of me. I've seen them too many times this season, and if they were winning, I'd be OK, but they seem like desperate attempts to rave up the fans, when the Bucks are at a point that you're going to have to prove to this crowd that getting all raved up is going to result in a payoff. First off, there's the "Countdown to game time" that is off the REAL clock by a second or two. So already they're getting us out of sync with reality. Then, the (I timed it) Six miniute and 42 second montage from anthem's end to opening tip off just feels that much more excruciatingly long, drawn out, and lame. I've realized that whoever is in charge of incidental music for the Bucks used to hang out at Papagaio's in the late 80s a lot, and just got stuck there musically. And every other time Andrew Bogut hits a shot, they play Men At Work's "We come from the land down under" chorus, like it was the freaking Australian national anthem. What, has Australia produced no other band, and no other hit other than some terrible 1983 reggae ripoff? They cannot find one AC/DC song for Andrew to shoot to? Worse, every time Charlie Bell hits a shot -- every freaking time -- they play Ring My Bell. Do they know how annoying "Ring My Bell" is? "Ring My Bell" was the record I brought to Disco Demolition Night , that song irritated me so much and 25+ years later, guess what? It's stillirritating. And I have since shunned my anti-disco ways, embracing KC and the Sunshine Band like the middle aged, premenstrual crabbyass bitch that I am, but still, "Ring My Bell" should have been demolished in 1979 and never heard from again. And how do you suppose Charlie Bell must feel? Yeah, right, I bet hearing that song every freaking time he hits a shot really encourages him to go for Kareem Abdul Jabbar's record, like Michael Redd broke earlier this season. (Note to Charlie Bell: Michael will assure you that breaking records of league legends STILL won't get you on the all-star team.). And Charlie Bell had a great night last night, ensuring I'm hearing Anita Ward's tinny little voice in my head all the way home. This needs to be stopped. Bell, keep hitting those shots. Mr. I-Wish-I-Was-Bobby-From-Papagaio, get a CD player. There were great crowd-pleaseing songs made after 1989, you know.

Anthem given to us by somebody from the Special Olympics. Allright, people, yeah, he was a little pitchy, but this crowd could have cheered louder for him. After all, despite the fact that he's got cognitive disabilities, he sang it with feeling, hit both "Rockets Red Glare" AND "laaaaaand of the free" almost effortlessly, and didn't do any annoying showboating with it. Fine rendition. The only person who could have possibly shown him up tonight was local bluesman Steve Cohen, sitting in with Streetlife and sounding like Steve Winwood crooning out Billy Preston covers. Special Olympics kids kicked out some terrific halftime hoops as well -- they're clearly being coached well, playing well-organized defense.

The game itself -- exciting and tight, all the way until the last few minutes, when we were assured of our free Royales With Cheese for a 100 point Bucks win. Nice defense, good hustle all the way. The Young Turk, Ersan Ilyasova, still needs to get his chops warmed up, but he's always good for hitting a 3 the minute he hits the court, and he's got lots of piss and vinegar that just needs some direction. And all of the Bucks need to up that free throw percentage. Still, they could have let Orlando walk all over them and they didn't. Instead, they gave us and themselves a much needed win, despite Anita Ward. Ugh. That song is still going in my head.

Which is why I'm closing by going back to whining about asethetics. I've come to the conclusion that the players in the locker room get all jealous when one of them has been identified as a potential heartthrob, because they probably rib him to death, and then to make it stop, he starts putting on the uglies. Look at Andrew Bogut. Good looking fella. Well, that's when he's not got that ridiculous excuse for a beard. There are only two kinds of men who should grow beards: 1) Men who actaully CAN and 2) Men who look good in them when they do. Bogut, you are neither. That sagebrush you've got on your face just makes you look like you need to wash up. And that thin headband thingy, its, its, its just wrong. Pulls your hair up in the back and in front makes you look like you're wearing one of those hairnets food service guys have to wear. Have a word with your stylist about this. And don't tell me you don't have one. You looked sharp as a tack during exhibition season. And this isn't a Bucks thing, either. Former Marquette dreamboat Travis Diener, now playing for Orlando -- what's up with those dreadful, "I'm gonna eat seven-legged transgendered deer from Fond du Lac" sideburns? What, is Shaq giving your grief for all the ladyfolk you're attracting? I'm worried about this "Don't hate me because I'm pretty" trend. There's girls waving a "Charlie Villanueva - Be My Valentine" sign. Charlie, don't let the locker room guys get to you on this. You're looking sharp and playing sharp. Don't blow it with a stupid fashion statement.

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