How Funky Can You Be For Your Country?

The mothership lands tonight. After all these years, I'm climbing aboard and getting my fair share of the funk. I gotta have that funk. I signed the " We want the Funk petition" and everything. You should too. It's the only thing on Petitiononline Dot Com that isn't a waste of bandwidth or time. (I mean, petitioning for a pardon for Bono? Please.) Somebody calling themselves John F Kennedy commented "Ask not how funky your country can be for you, ask how funky you can be for your country." And a signer called Moses said: "And the Lord thy God did command, bringeth unto Me thy Funk. And so it came to pass. The people made burnt offerings unto the Lord of Funk, the burning embers of which made a pleasingly funky scent unto the Lord thy God." This is one bunch of funky peoples with whom I gots to get down. And it's at the Potowatomi Casino: George Clinton, the absolute funkmeister of them all, is at Potowatomi. There isn't a bad seat in that house, the sound is pristine, and from everything I'm reading, Clinton doesn't just chug out the hits (although that alone would satisfy me) -- he takes his audiences on a jammin' out trip to the far reaches of funkerspace. Bring on the funk!

Thursday I have a date with Stella to "greet our seat" at the Milwaukee Ballet. As we learned from our Bucks half-season tickets, when you subscribe to something, they take care of you. We're going to get a backstage tour of the PAC (the only time I'll probably ever get to see it from that perspective), meet the dancers, and nosh on hors' o deurves. The Bucks do this too -- last year we got a tour of the locker room, met some players, and got to shoot some hoops on the Bradley Center court.

As for bands, well, if you like your rock head on, bordering on hardcore, Vnuk's is the place to be this weekend. I've been so busy, I'll have to sit this out, but the mighty Thor will be headlining Friday, with Carbellion opening. I've wanted to check out Carbellion for some time -- missed them when they were at Vnuk's for a big 7 band show (that turned out to be four bands, and Carbellion wasn't one of the four). And who wouldn't want to see Thor sometime in their life. Just the name alone guarantees an evening of majestic, metalopolyptic thunder. Or at least it should. Otherwise, at the Four Seasons Sheraton, it's the Tattoo Convention, featuring midget wrestling. Oh, and IROCKZ is playing sometime Friday, but the convention goes on all weekend.

Saturday night -- I know bands that have cancelled or postponed gigs because they don't want to compete with Beautiful Bert at Vnuks. I know bands that have written songs about Beautiful Bert. For that matter, I know Beautiful Bert. And I can personally guarantee that even if he didn't weight 300+ pounds, even if he didn't purposefully try to gross your out, even if he didn't bring a single sausage with him, he will still kick ass, hardcore punk style. He always has a tight band, he always has great songs, he always entertains. You might be disgusted, your ears might ring for days, but you won't walk out of there saying to yourself, "BOR-ing." I'm going to be busy all day with personal stuff, and if I have the energy, I'll wander over to Vnuk's or send Brian to file a report. Bert rarely gets booked in Milwaukee county, so I'm really considering pounding the caffeine Saturday so I can make it.

In the meantime, when the choice for president was either George Bush or Bill Clinton, you know who I voted for! Ich Bin Ein Funkmeister!


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